A few lines from a forgotten essay written in one of my journals:
The battle is over,it’s useless fighting when long time ago you’ve given up. When you chose to stay with her. It’s just so unfair that she snatched you away from me. What can I do when it’s your choice to stay in her arms, to kiss her lips and whisper words of love in her ears. I’ve had a taste of heaven in months but what happened next I honestly don’t know. You turned away and left me on that avenue. It was so hard that I almost broke down and cried, I literally stopped breathing for a while but I told myself it was the only thing you left for me, breathing. And so I have to breathe. When you walked away you took everything from me, my heart, my soul. I’m not the same person anymore. I was shattered, I love you so much that it hurts. Memories of you and me they kept coming back, they’re all the same now. Happy and painful memories bring tears to my eyes. It just hurts and all I can do is cry. All I can do is pray you’ll come back. But that’s not possible isn’t it? Because you’re gone. Because you just threw away everything that we had. Because you left without bothering to wipe my tears away.
In one fluid moment, the love I have was gone into a place where he can’t come back. Because I know you’re happy with her. But tell me, does she love you like I did?
Hmm, where do I start? Oh yeah! Well, last week I had a lot of guys-flirting-with-me moments, I’m not conceited ok? First, my first boyfriend was sending me text messages causing my eyebrows to raise without me knowing lol. It’s like for the past 4 days he’s constantly asking how my day was, if I already ate, telling me to sleep early because he’ll be upset if I get sick or something. He’s got a girlfriend already for crying out loud! Yes I still have feelings for him but that doesn’t mean that I’ll give in to his flirtations. Think again dude, your girlfriend is like one of my closest friend. I don’t want to be a boyfriend stealer. Second, the new volunteer nurse was irritating, he too was asking me if i slept well the previous night, if I’m ok etc etc etc. And he hinted to my horror that he wanted to date me! My foot! I told him I have a boyfriend that I love so much.. That was a lie though..
I can’t afford to involve myself in a complex series of games called relationship as of the present time. I have so many dreams, so many plans and I have to fulfill them first. Guys can wait I guess. Relationships are just not on the top of my list right now. I’m happy with my being single albeit sometimes I wish I can have a guy who’ll listen to my problems and pains. Who can hold me and tell me eveything will be alright because he’ll always be there for me.. I just want a guy with a decent job, who will respect me and will love me for who I am.
I was currently listening to Savage Garden’s Crash N Burn which I downloaded earlier. It reminds me of the 90s and it was one of my favorite songs way back then! I remember voting it to top the charts in a local radio station in Isabela. Haha, brings back memories because we used to sing it a lot. Me and my bestfriend. I miss her terribly. Here’s a video from youtube:
And because I was inspired by the statements flashing on the video, I did this photo editing:
Tell you what, Picnik.com took forever to load 😦
I really love the lyrics of the song. It simply tells you that there is someone out there always willing to listen, to help. And most importantly, this song always reminds me to remain faithful to the Big Guy up there, that He’s always watching me and keeping me safe.
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
Its hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you cant take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
Youre caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you cant face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone
And there has always been heartache and pain
And when its over youll breathe again
Youll breath again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump Ill break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
Youre not alone
somewhere in my brain 